10-2-23

[rayheinrich]

waning harvest moon 
now a giant pumpkin seed
orange as the sun

I want to like this, but I'm having a hard time seeing the shape of the gibbous moon as a pumpkin seed, shelled or unshelled. And, if the reader has to stop to think "does that work?," then I'm not sure it does.

I certainly like the idea, but Liz has a point. When I first read it, the cognitive dissonance
affected me more negatively than positively. When I read "waning harvest moon" I think
reddish-orange and crescent. When I read pumpkin I think orange, but pumpkin seed gets
me thinking bright white. Also, I'm not so sure something as bright as the sun, even when
it is setting, works in a poem that has the moon in it. Call me old-fashioned, but I think
waning moons, harvests, and pumpkins are the way to go.