My Mother Left Me the Sun(edit 1)

[brynmawr1]

I also borrowed the "Death is the mother of beauty" from same but here I used it to convey a specific idea behind what makes things beautiful that I thought was relevant to the themes of the poem.  It was italicized to convey the fact that it was a quote rather than mine. -- And I understood that it was a reference to something else because of the italics; however, you could just use quotation marks even if you don't specify in or around the poem who it's from. People can copy and paste into Google and learn something. 

With the quote being such a broad, metaphorical statement, people will take that as meaning any number of things, especially in a novel context such as your poem. There's no way to control how such big ideas are interpreted, and people will lose interest in the piece if you try. 

I will look at the wording of 'with a breeze'.  I admit trying to make that more interesting -- This confirms my suspicion. I was wondering if maybe you thought that your imagery was not enough to carry the poem along and that's how/why things got convoluted. If your imagery is solid then it can stand alone. Besides, lyricism is all you really need, in the end. 

but, you are right, if it distracts then it detracts.  Did I just coin a phrase?  Sure. I wouldn't know any better, so just go ahead and take credit. 

I have been in a bit of a slump lately and this might help me out of it. -- Fingers crossed. All the best to you. 

hey again,
Thanks for the dialogue.

-- And I understood that it was a reference to something else because of the italics; however, you could just use quotation marks even if you don't specify in or around the poem who it's from. People can copy and paste into Google and learn something. Subconsciously, the quotation marks seem out of place in this situation as it's not really speech, per se.

With the quote being such a broad, metaphorical statement, people will take that as meaning any number of things, especially in a novel context such as your poem. There's no way to control how such big ideas are interpreted, and people will lose interest in the piece if you try. yes, I agree but that is true of any metaphor or other imagery meant to convey some other meaning.  I've come to think that it's not 'healthy' to write for the lazy reader.  In this situation, it is such an iconic phrase that if someone did take the effort to google it, they would learn its intended meaning and, I hope, spend some time thinking about how it fits into the context of this poem.  Now, whether that is legit is open for discussion!

This confirms my suspicion. I was wondering if maybe you thought that your imagery was not enough to carry the poem along and that's how/why things got convoluted. If your imagery is solid then it can stand alone. Besides, lyricism is all you really need, in the end. Not so much that, at least on a conscious level, just trying too hard to add---something, I suppose.  Here it was done with the 'I hope it works' finger's crossed approach.  Thanks for calling it out.

Thanks again for the dialogue.  Any push back on my part is not about me proving my point or defending my stance.  I don't see winners or losers in these situations; only further understanding.
Take care,
bryn