There is a kind of person who always eats
four eggs a day, who makes coffee for two
and always sets aside one half of the drink
for all those mornings when he or she
could not be bothered to carefully weigh
his or her beans and water. This person always sleeps
at nine, stirs at six, and goes to work
three hours after waking up. What do they do?
(I dislike the use of he or she and his or her. Could you use they and their? Or could you settle on a particular person, even though you are generalising, so in your head you know exactly who the person is all the way through the poem. This might tighten up the language as well as give you ideas of how else they might spend their day. That aside, the writing is well-written and intriguing. I think it succeeds in hooking people in.)
Stretched out on a table is a leather
canvas turning paler and paler
as the hours come in. The chat begins
with that day's weather, then the crossword,
what comics are repeated,
before they go to the major reports --
what movies are hits, which stars to court --
as jars, then cabinets, are filled.
(In the second stanza, this generic routine loses urgency because it is simply reiterating the point rather than progressing. Line 6 doesn’t make sense tome and lines 6 and 7 are too long and not as interesting. Maybe a bit of tension is needed.)
At twelve o'clock, it's time for lunch,
at one it's time for tea. Always they heat
twelve ounces of water for their pot
of two teaspoons' worth of leaves rolled up
by some poor chap from China
and, without fail, they come to need
the toilet for right when they've done
with their strawberry jam and scones.
(You spend one line on lunch then 7 lines on tea. Maybe do four lines on each one. The transition is confusing because, when mentioned with lunch, tea first sounds like the main meal tea, rather than afternoon tea. The time should be more like 3:00p.m, if you need it at all. Traditionally I think it would be taken a little later (3:30-5:00p.m. according to wiki). Nowadays, at least as far as I know, afternoon tea is something people do for fun at hotels, usually at 3-3:30p.m. You wouldn’t do it at home (maybe some people do?). If you are attacking people for indulging in afternoon tea, why not focus on the prices. It’s usually £35 for sandwiches, a scone and a cuppa. Basically £35 for tradition.)
For evening leisure, sometimes they read
Beckett, but more often Pound.
"More often now do I reflect
on the little garden kept
by two dear friends of ours, too often dusted
during our visits with tar and ash
like a plate of Cafe du Monde's"
is how they hear the answer to
(The poem looks incomplete, as if you copied and pasted but forgot to copy the last few lines. This is due to the lack of punctuation on the final line, coupled with the fact that there is an additional statement following what feels like an ending. The answer to “What’s the time?” has already been given, and “You know…” seems to be spoken by someone who is not the person asking the time, nor the person reading Beckett and Pound (though I guess it could be the latter). Other than that, the writing in this stanza equals the quality of the first.)
a simple "What's the time?"
"You know, the Jew
