The Names

[alonso ramoran]

Hi TqB,

I feel like the title could be a little more evocative, maybe not even needing to mention "names". The piece feels very cerebral since it doesn't provide much imagery. The imagery it does provide feels like it needs to be a little more specific.

The Names

There are names 
I need to forget.

I’m teaching myself to isolate nice line break to reel the reader in
them, to detach them 
from their personae,
turn them into artifacts i feel like you could elaborate on "artifacts" with a descriptor
I can no longer interpret.

When they appear in my mind
I discourage their masks "discourage" could be swapped out for a stronger verb i think, something that gets the feeling across
from taking the stage;
their enactments are not helpful, you could probably cut "are not helpful" and shorten to "their enactments turn into riddles" or even more simply "their enactments become riddles"
they turn into a riddle
of imagined moments,
stories I tell myself 
to reprove the present. appreciate the alliteration here. it sounds good reading aloud, i can feel the spite in the p's

The present is all there is,
all there will be. These names
obscure and mislead, they
tell me lies I can no longer afford "lies i can't afford to believe" careful with the cliche
to believe.  It only remains to be seen
which of them will outlive me Is "them" still referring to the names?
which will be waiting for me
on the other side.

Best,
AR