09-25-2023, 12:32 PM
Nice work! I really enjoy the conceit of this poem 
I think your instinct to italicize Pearl Milling Company is the correct one, for what it’s worth.
Feel free to disagree, but for me the meter is holding this poem back. Instead of inspiring a creative economy, it’s led to a bit of inflation. For instance,
This morning Her last sweetness ran out, thin
and golden over waffles. What am I
to do now with her empty husk
This may have also led to some word choices that feel a little out of place with the rest of the poem, like “visage”.
If you think a less-is-more revision would be worth a try, I’d love to see the result
I think your instinct to italicize Pearl Milling Company is the correct one, for what it’s worth.
Feel free to disagree, but for me the meter is holding this poem back. Instead of inspiring a creative economy, it’s led to a bit of inflation. For instance,
This morning Her last sweetness ran out, thin
and golden over waffles. What am I
to do now with her empty husk
This may have also led to some word choices that feel a little out of place with the rest of the poem, like “visage”.
If you think a less-is-more revision would be worth a try, I’d love to see the result