Within Reach

[TranquillityBase]

Within Reach

I’ve walked down many paths-
called some of them my own-
now watch as scavenging angels
pick on exposed bone.                    Stunning opening    

I walk on as they circle
more, and more alone-               
everything uncertain                 I'd look at making this line more concrete, if possible; it's OK as it stands, but doesn't match the power of the other stanzas
on the way back home.

The stones I find most precious
I skip across the creek, then
I see fish jumping, and almost
hear them speak.

As I walk along the trail, it’s so
silent, nearly still, I watch
a red fox come and go,
and guess how long I will.               These first four stanzas are simply tremendous.  I so suggest a word change here:  "wonder" instead of "guess" in this last line.


Some nights I toss, and turn 
awake, just like an old man does,
yet I’ll reach out until I shake
the Hand that gathers dust.               These last two lines don't quite work for me.  I feel like the Hand should be gathering something besides "dust".  You've already used 'bones" which is what I'd like to see there.  So I'll leave that up to you.  Maybe you should "take" the hand rather than "shake" it, and go from there.  I'd suggest "soul" but that's not your style.  Anyway, I feel like those climactic lines need rethinking.

Mark,

Muy maravilloso!

Not much more to say that I didn't say above.  This is possibly one, if not the one, of my favorites that you've ever written.

Tim