08-27-2023, 01:11 AM
.
Hi Tim,
I'm not sure if 'enjoyed' is the right word, but I was engrossed.
The title doesn't mislead, this definitely reads like the notes to a more polished piece, and I'd be interested in reading that.
Just the one (oops, my bad, two) thoughts, as this is misc.
Perhaps change the opening slightly and so start with the subject of the elegy?
He was the eldest son of an angry father
I was late, and third, and mostly spared
...
The ending is excellent (though, at present, it's not clear that you don't mean you've known Jesus for fifty years.)
Jesus’ suffering never impressed me much
not after seeing how Robert was crucified
every (damn) day of his/my life.
Best, Knot
.
Hi Tim,
I'm not sure if 'enjoyed' is the right word, but I was engrossed.
The title doesn't mislead, this definitely reads like the notes to a more polished piece, and I'd be interested in reading that.
Just the one (oops, my bad, two) thoughts, as this is misc.
Perhaps change the opening slightly and so start with the subject of the elegy?
He was the eldest son of an angry father
I was late, and third, and mostly spared
...
The ending is excellent (though, at present, it's not clear that you don't mean you've known Jesus for fifty years.)
Jesus’ suffering never impressed me much
not after seeing how Robert was crucified
every (damn) day of his/my life.
Best, Knot
.