homo crudelis (revised, new title)

[brynmawr1]

Original Sin

4:50 a.m.
chasing the dog
to shut down his bark
I see three stars aligned
like a telephone pole in the sky.

if I’d seen them move
into a magic column
the sky animated
I’d bow before them
but I’m a child no more.

it’s my time to question
every link back 
to our fabulous myths
of the child
presumed innocent 
only playing 
below an overarching night
seeds of potential destruction
burgeoning inside.

I had a childhood
and I remember enough
to be dangerous.

Once I helped my father
to plunge a seine into a lake
taking in a harvest of bait
leaving
a mass of minnows
too small 
to be used on the trotline
dying on the bank.

I’ll not plead innocence
not then
not now
not ever again.

homo crudelis

4:50 a.m.
chasing the dog
to shut down his bark
i see three stars aligned
like a telephone pole in the sky.
i’m a tv baby
unimpressed.
if i’d seen them move
into a magic column
the sky animated
i’d bow before them
but i’m a child no more
possibly i never was.
Himmler and Stalin 
Pol Pot and Pinochet
were children once;
were they ever innocent?
i doubt it.
it’s my time to question
every link back 
to our fabulous myths
most of all
the myth of the child
presumed innocent 
only playing 
below an overarching night
but the seed of destruction
was burgeoning inside.
i had a childhood
and i remember enough of it
to be dangerous too.
i once helped my father
to plunge a seine into a lake
take in a harvest of bait
leaving behind
a mass of minnows
too small 
to be used on the trotline
to die on the bank.
it’s true i tried to save a few
but i knew it was hopeless.
there’s an old photo
from those camping trips
my father pretending to pour coffee
into a tin cup i held towards him.
i’ll not plead innocence
not now
not ever again.

Afternoon,
I like the changes (since I suggested them  ) but especially breaking up the poem into stanzas.  I almost suggested it earlier so I'm glad you did it.  It reads much better to me, but I still think there is a link missing to better develop the 'seed' as the through line of the poem.  I'm also think there should be a slightly more explicit clue in the minnow stanza to convey N's accepting indifference to the dying fish.  Trying to tie the seed idea to N's anecdote might do the trick.  Something to think about.
Take care,
steve