Who Are You?

[Quixilated]

It’s dark inside the rabbit hole.   The rest of the poem is in present tense, which draws the reader into the action with the narrator.  If these first lines also change to present, the reader can start out inside the rabbit hole with the narrator. 
People calling out from above with questions,
urging me to climb the crumbling wall.
Their voices multiplying like the mosquitoes. This seems like an auditory image, the mosquitos (most often associated with humming) and then into the alarm clock—this is a sound clip, mentioning their voices helps me hear the mosquito hum of overlapping advice. 

that pace over my window screens at night—
strange, like clock alarms in sleep, they become
detail for the story of the dream,
never sharp enough to pierce the bubble.  This sentence gets a bit long.  I could probably be divided into two without changing the meaning, but it would make it easier for the reader.  A period after night, or after sleep?  

Faces try to catch me with their eyes;
gazes pulling, drawing up their baskets.
Who decides what happens next? The wall
slicks with rain, and nightfall's asking questions.  The wetness of the wall means escape is now even harder for the narrator. I don’t know what “nightfall’s asking questions” means, but it might just be me.

Quiet settles like a gentle smoke.  I love this line, I picture it like the fog that hangs suspended in the air, a blanket of opaque to further separate the narrator from the people at the top. 
Maybe there's no bottom, only center?
Alice says, “The best way out is through—
take my hand and we'll fall down together.”  Of course Alice is there, it’s her rabbit hole.
 I think it should be a direct quote. It reminds me of Winston Churchill’s “If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” Similar sentiment at least. 
 It’s a bit dubious that she is giving advice to the narrator about how to get out seeing as how she also appears to be still in the tunnel, but then Alice is not known   for doing logical things, so it works.  

When I read this I see that the narrator has fallen into Alice’s rabbit hole and at the end Alice shows up to guide the narrator out (or through, or further into the madness …). Perhaps this is incorrect, but it’s how it reads to me.  

I like the story of it and the ending.  Some of the imagery in the middle gets a bit vague which makes it hard for the reader to stay right there with the narrator.  But as the theme seems to be separation from reality or from other people in a Wonderland style, a bit of confusion seems like it comes with the territory.  

I’m always a sucker for Wonderland.  I hope something in all my rambling was helpful. 

—Quix


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Edit afterthought:

I feel like others are seeing the title "Alice" and the word 'rabbit hole,' and are drawing the conclusion that the narrator is Alice, which would mean that when Alice speaks at the end, she is speaking to the reader, or to any unknown others who fall down.  I feel like it's pretty clear (at least on the second reading if not the first) that the narrator is not Alice. Alice is speaking to the narrator at the end of the poem, drawing the narrator further in (in my opinion further into the madness, not out of it, but that's my own interpretation).   If I am wrong, feel free to disregard me.  But if this was your intention, it would be an easy fix to separate the voice of the narrator from the voice of Alice.  If you simply change the very last line to ‘she takes my hand and we fall down together.’  Then it becomes very clear that Alice is speaking to the narrator and is not the narrator.  

Also, not that this helps with editing or anything, but I read this as a description of the narrator falling into a state of mental illness.  It could be anxiety, depression, or a number of any other things, there are many things that make a person feel distant from people and the world. I like that it isn't too specific so it would apply to a variety of similar experiences. I cannot tell if Alice in the poem is being helpful and showing the narrator how to endure and/or how to eventually get out, or if Alice is being unhelpful and drawing the narrator further into the illness like a lure.  Perhaps it's also ok for that to be left open for the reader to interpret.  

Anyway, please don't scrap it.  I think it has very good bones and doesn't need too much tinkering, just a few tiny tweaks here and there to clear up confusion or to smooth things out.  Happy editing.