Draft 3: Forever Legacy

[Lizzie]

Hi, alonso. I think you're almost there. Just a couple of comments. 

Let conquerors who taste every spring, -- Assuming that you're referencing the story of Ponce de Leon, you could add "gold" or "golden" as a modifier before "spring," since his convoy was looking for gold as well as immortality. It would be good to say something else about the spring to bring out the contrast with the hose water, even if you don't like golden. You have a multitude of options. 
expecting youth, turn to dead marble,
and leave my memory in rainbows -- maybe a more interesting verb than "leave"? 
that smell of hose water. Forget me in the way -- I'd like to see a break after water. The hose water rainbow is the star image of the poem -- it would be good to pause there for a moment. 
the wind remembers breath. -- the forgetting/remember wordplay is nice. 

I think that your title would be stronger as just "Legacy." "Abiding" doesn't seem to fit wither with the greed of the conquistadors or with the acceptance of transience seen at the end. But, it's a minor concern. 

It's a nice piece, and I wish you all the best with it.

Lizzie