Ruminations on the Sea(more tweaks)

[brynmawr1]

Ruminations on the Sea
 
How I admire your singularity
of purpose; your timeless hurling
against rock and sand and I wonder
 
is it only the whip of a goading wind
that quickens your curling hands
to pummel these innocent shores?
 
For I hear within your malevolent roar
the counter rhyme of your retreating sigh;

The sonics are working well. But a break and a change would make an interest at this point, still carrying the rhythm with the meaning.


For I hear within your malevolent roar
the counter rhyme of your retreating
sigh, curse of forever
 
chasing the Moon’s cold heart
that spurs you in your surge
first in her coming, again as she goes.

Hi Rowens

Thanks for your comments.  I like the line break change.  Curious about why cut 'cold'.  It's not very original, granted, but I felt it lended a necessary emotional element.
thanks,
steve