08-12-2023, 07:32 AM
I prefer vital.
If you're not afraid of repeating of,
...................................
a shadow of this imagery,
facsimile of presence.
..................
Though that would refer to the visions.
What visions were entrancing? the ones of tying their laces, or not paying attention?
The word subtlety leaves room to play.
Such as how their skating showed can lead to the assumption that the poem, at least the ending, is being spoken after the event.
.......................
Besides all that, the first version seemed to say everything, both in what's said and how.
If you're not afraid of repeating of,
...................................
a shadow of this imagery,
facsimile of presence.
..................
Though that would refer to the visions.
What visions were entrancing? the ones of tying their laces, or not paying attention?
The word subtlety leaves room to play.
Such as how their skating showed can lead to the assumption that the poem, at least the ending, is being spoken after the event.
.......................
Besides all that, the first version seemed to say everything, both in what's said and how.