Ruminations on the Sea(more tweaks)

[brynmawr1]

Sea
 
How I admire your singularity
of purpose; your timeless hurling
against rock and sand and I wonder
 
is it only the whip of a goading wind
that quickens your curling hand                 hands (?)
to pummel these innocent shores?
 
For I hear within your malevolent roar
the counter rhyme of your retreating sigh;
the curse of forever
 
chasing the Moon’s cold heart
that spurs you in your surge
first in her coming, again as she goes.

I suspect I have a reputation of being overly congratulatory, but what the heck, I call them as I see them.  This is superb.  A lovely rhythm, not a word out of place or a word too many.  I really enjoy the internal rhymes.  Only the one petty suggestion.

I'm frankly jealous of the clarity with which you write.  This is probably my favorite of what you've posted over time.

You seem uncertain about what to title it?  I think "Sea" is too brief, too vague.  "Ruminations from the shore" is better, except you use the word "shore" too soon.  Afraid I don't have any suggestions.  (Then again, "The Curse of Forever" sounds pretty good, and it doesn't show up until the climax of the poem, but it also gives away one of the best lines up front.  However, the context of where it appears in the poem gives it additional meaning, explains the title and would give the reader an "aha" moment.)

TqB

Hi TqB,

Thank you for your kind words.  Any success I have at writing is due to everything I have learned from you and the other poets kind enough to give honest feedback.
You are right about my ambivalence regarding the title.  "Sea" was originally the first word of the poem but then I moved it up to title.  I do like your suggestion about using "The Curse of Forever".  Another consideration is "Ruminations on the sea".
Thanks again,
steve