08-09-2023, 09:07 PM
Hi Tim-
The poem concludes for me at “erases all pain.”
I suggest “cleanses my pain” to keep it personal.
The lines after that are not necessary, for me.
They seem like part of another poem, or separate thoughts.
Just my 2 cents,
Mark
The poem concludes for me at “erases all pain.”
I suggest “cleanses my pain” to keep it personal.
The lines after that are not necessary, for me.
They seem like part of another poem, or separate thoughts.
Just my 2 cents,
Mark