08-05-2023, 03:50 AM
With regard to your comment of sparse critiques on this one, it is my humble opinion that this piece is a lot to ask of the Basic Forum. There's enough cultural references to ponder, if you want people to seriously engage with it, that it really should be in a serious forum.
I'll share my first impression, though, which is an overall sense of fatalism about how the speaker's words will be received. In terms of critique, that makes me reluctant to touch it. There's a push pull, like the speaker is crying out to be heard, but also a push away with a general "what's the point, you'll never get it anyway." My experience on the site tells me that this one will be tricky to workshop.
However, if it were in a different forum, I would certainly give you more of my ignorant advice.
I'll share my first impression, though, which is an overall sense of fatalism about how the speaker's words will be received. In terms of critique, that makes me reluctant to touch it. There's a push pull, like the speaker is crying out to be heard, but also a push away with a general "what's the point, you'll never get it anyway." My experience on the site tells me that this one will be tricky to workshop.
However, if it were in a different forum, I would certainly give you more of my ignorant advice.