Quietude

[alonso ramoran]

busker,

I really enjoyed this piece! Thoughts below.

Quietude



Maybe, night’s
quietude perhaps change out quietude to another word to avoid repeating the title. It would give the narrator another chance to express what is quietude to them.
is right for us.

Moonlight washes
through the glass, I'm trying to understand the setting if moonlight is coming through presumably a window and touching grass. Unless "glass" is a metaphor for something in the sky?
bathes the grass of
memory’s city

Florentine. Lawns hmmm I'm missing something. Why Florentine and not Florence? Might "memory's city" be a reference to "Florentine" being a bygone name for the city of Florence? I do appreciate how you include the word in this stanza instead of the previous one. It reads nicely and calls attention to how it sounds.
of the dead
in satin bedspreads. beautiful image, but I feel like it contradicts the image of the moon weeping on grass. Or, it makes "moonlight" into 2 metaphors (which could mean 2 poems).
Those also, who are here and gone,
time's odds and ends. I'm not understanding the structure of this sentence. This is how I interpret it: "There are also those who are here yet gone, at time's odds and ends."
There you live, friend,
across in a villa from the park. the park and the villa read like metaphors for the present and the past or "those who are here and gone".
And afterwards,
when the moon weeps silently, I would compress into something like or better than the following: "And after the moon wept silently..."
my longing knows the poem's ending picks up on the weeping metaphor, which doesn't seem to allow space for the bedspreads metaphor. It pushes it into a separate poem.
no bounds for thee. I think "you" is fine. You were probably trying to lean into the cliche but I think it would be valid not to, because the poem itself has nice enough imagery being described in an interesting voice.

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I have edited this poem a couple of times already. I think it's good in some places, but needs to come together better. Floating / arbitrary conjunctions etc abound right now. Thanks.

Thank you for sharing,
AR