07-27-2023, 10:47 PM
.
Hi Tim,
nope, still not there.
I wonder if part of the problem is that IV (or elements of it) are simply in the wrong place. They answer the question of why you would be asking your hands 'what now' - so perhaps some of this should be a new II?
I.
Mechanical marvels
stiff tentacles
full of touch
holding nothing
but the future.
II.
blind explorers
to set me free of what I can see ........ I don't think the switch from 'explorers' to 'set me free' works (how are they connected?) but 'blind explorers' is promising.
III.
catching or releasing
transient comedies ......... not sure what this means, but I like it - maybe it's just a couplet on its own?
they are never disappointed. ..... surely sometimes they grasp the wrong end of the stick or have to 'unblock' something? Sounds disappointing to me
They revel in difference
reeling in the in-between
of surprise and expectation. ........ think you got sucked into the word-play, this doesn't really hold up, for me.
IV.
The tips of three fingers
are amputated.
I can press them
against solid matter
especially other flesh
feel them plunge inside,
absent fingertips
defining another world.
V.
Best, Knot
Hi Tim,
nope, still not there.
I wonder if part of the problem is that IV (or elements of it) are simply in the wrong place. They answer the question of why you would be asking your hands 'what now' - so perhaps some of this should be a new II?
I.
Mechanical marvels
stiff tentacles
full of touch
holding nothing
but the future.
II.
blind explorers
to set me free of what I can see ........ I don't think the switch from 'explorers' to 'set me free' works (how are they connected?) but 'blind explorers' is promising.
III.
catching or releasing
transient comedies ......... not sure what this means, but I like it - maybe it's just a couplet on its own?
they are never disappointed. ..... surely sometimes they grasp the wrong end of the stick or have to 'unblock' something? Sounds disappointing to me
They revel in difference
reeling in the in-between
of surprise and expectation. ........ think you got sucked into the word-play, this doesn't really hold up, for me.
IV.
The tips of three fingers
are amputated.
I can press them
against solid matter
especially other flesh
feel them plunge inside,
absent fingertips
defining another world.
V.
For months .................. you don't need this (the time-frame doesn't matter as it's never developed beyond this mention.)
in idle moments
I’ve studied them,
read the creases
on empty palms
the scars on the backs
of knuckles
asking, “What now?”
Best, Knot