The Combat Inside the Beast

[TranquillityBase]

The Combat Inside the Beast 


Whatever your joking acid jokes about doesn't matter,    I'd cut this down to "Your acid jokes don't matter". 
because you're buried electronics and old tech.         "because you're buried in electronics and old tech"
Your middle's a frown,
Your hair is a clown,
and your hate of the world is a wreck.

You're the secret and never stopping clock
of an infinite fly that never tells time
but has time to tell you what's what.   I like this stanza the best

You're a grain of sand making hay—
you're the shine on a chocolate, today.  don't quite get this line; forget the rhyme and say what you mean
You're a smiley face
in utter disgrace.
You're sexy and fading away.

KL,

Like the title a lot.  Some good lines, but, as noted, some throw away lines I'd cut.

TqB