A Brother's Grip

[Mark A Becker]

A Brother’s Grip

Some nights I see a shadow
play on your guitar
in the corner of my room,
and I can almost hear
your bottleneck slide
gliding under my pillow.    this is really fine

Still hours until daybreak….    this line made me pause because "still" has two meanings and I'm not sure which to read into the line
a soundtrack of rain
keeping the beat
as I lie half awake
watching your silent movie
unspooling on the ceiling.        great stuff here

I looked at this with virgin eyes so I can't speak about lines I might have liked in previous versions that have dropped out (I just know it's shorter).  Anyway, like this very much, other than my confusion about "still hours".

Tim

Thanks for the comments Tim-
I agree with deleting 'I' in L.4.  'Still hours' is intentionally ambiguous, allowing the reader either, or both meanings. I must credit Miley with steering me toward a more concise, final version.
- Mark

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Have you considered switching the verses?
Best, Knot
.

Hi Knot-
I think I've arrived at the final version with this one, since starting on it many months ago.
Thanks for the comments, though,
Mark