A Brother's Grip

[Knot]

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Hi Mark
(congratulations on the competition result)
I think the revision suffers from the loss of 'hard to picture you gone' (or similar) and I do miss the 'drunken feet' (though maybe they'll reappear in another poem?)

Have you considered switching the verses?

A soundtrack of rain
keeps the beat
as half awake I watch
your silent movie
unspool on the ceiling.

I swear sometimes I can hear
your bottleneck slide
gliding under my pillow.
The ghost of a song
it’s hard to picture you gone.


Best, Knot


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