07-15-2023, 08:39 AM
(07-04-2023, 07:30 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote: Poking around the tatteredthus:
pages of the past I found not crazy about this addition; what were you actually going through? a box, a photo album, stuff in a drawer?
a photo from Disneyland.
Horizontal hair, bodies / curved by motion, line break added
the background an electric rainbow blur. the blurred background/an electric rainbow (?)
Only serendipity of light,
shutter speed and aperture
could capture, so bright,
the eyes and the smiles,
the echo of laughter within the echo of laughter/within the twirl and spin
the twirl and spin
of a mother and daughter.
Horizontal hair, bodies
curved by motion,
the blurred background
an electric rainbow.
Only serendipity of light,
shutter speed and aperture
could capture, so bright,
the eyes and smiles,
the echo of laughter
within the twirl and spin
of mother and daughter.
?
Either way, like the changes, except "pages of the past". Thanks for giving me the opportunity to tinker! Always easier to edit other folks' poems

