A Brother's Grip

[Knot]

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Hi Mark,
the opening makes it sound like an old blues number (or else that's just my imagination) but, even in the revision, it rather loses its way in the middle.


You’re back like an old dog
wagging at my door,
begging to come in, .................... wagging gives tail, and begging can be inferred.

but my drunken feet struggle
in the too early morning,
so I shuffle back ......................... can't see what line three is doing (why would N get up?)

but my feet are still drunk/ hungover
in this too early morning/and it's far too early

let me lie, like the dead
I'm watching your movie

unspool on the ceiling,
trying to picture you gone.



Best, Knot


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