Draft 4.5: Alcyone Remembers (Dizain)

[alonso ramoran]

TqB and bryn,

Thank you for the feedback! Putting the poem in present tense is definitely possible within the limits of the form but I feel like it would ruin the tone I'm trying to convey. bryn, I thought the full stop after decay would work perfectly but upon rereading a couple of times, I noticed it kinda changes what I was trying to say. As always I really appreciate the suggestions though keep em coming if possible.

Take care,

Alex

Then I feel like this one is done!  The two suggestions only come from leanings I get when reading it so definitely can be ignored.
Nice piece,
bryn

I took the liberty of posting a third draft in an attempt to sharpen it a bit more. I hope the changes are welcome