Teacup Ride(edit 2)

[brynmawr1]

Poking around I found …. A slightly weak opening. Maybe provide some further context - old album? Physical pics are already an anachronism. Is that a hint as to how long ago it was?
a photo from Disneyland. … possible title / first line in a parallel universe 
The background an electric rainbow blur,
their horizontal hair, bodies
curved in motion.  Only serendipity … some fine lines. I can see the motion 
of light, shutter speed and aperture
could capture, so bright, the eyes 
and the smiles; the almost echo
of laughter within
the spin and twirl
of a mother and daughter.  … these last four lines are the poem. Beautiful 

Poking around I found
a photo from Disneyland.
The background an electric rainbow blur
their hair horizontal, bodies
curved in motion.  Only serendipity 
of light, shutter speed and aperture
could capture with clarity the eyes 
and the smiles; the almost echo
of laughter within
the spin and twirl
of a mother and daughter.


Poking around I found
a photo from Disney.
The background an electric rainbow blur
their hair horizontal, bodies
curved by motion.  Only serendipity 
of ISO, shutter speed and aperture
could capture with clarity the eyes 
and the smiles; almost an echo
of laughter contained
in the spin and twirl
of a mother and daughter.

Hi Busker,
Thanks for your comments.  Other's have also wished for more detail up front. I'm continuing to contemplate.   Still others have wanted more at the end.  maybe I'll start a discussion on how people navigate competing critiques.
Take care,
bryn