Teacup Ride(edit 2)
#8
(07-04-2023, 11:28 PM)Knot Wrote:  .
Hi Bryn.
The 'snapshot' part is strong, I'd like to know what the reaction to seeing the photograph was. What happened next? (The title tells me roughly where it is, I'm not sure a specific location matters. Local fair or Disney wherever. What's the difference?)



Only serendipity of light,
shutter speed and aperture
could capture, so bright,
the eyes and the smiles;
the not quite echo
of laughter
within the twirl and spin
of a mother and daughter.



Best, Knot


.
Hey Knot,
I see what you are getting at.  I guess I'm trying to let the reader have the space to bring their own reaction to whatever the scene set in the poem means to them.  In my original concept I explicitly made Joy the thing that was most clear but rejected it as too much telling, trying to lead the witness as it were.  Your point is a good one, but I will have to put some thought into where it goes from here.  I'm also not quite satisfied with how the 'echo of laughter' is fitting in.
Take care,
bryn
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Messages In This Thread
Teacup Ride(edit 2) - by brynmawr1 - 07-04-2023, 07:30 AM
RE: Teacup Ride - by TranquillityBase - 07-04-2023, 08:30 AM
RE: Teacup Ride - by brynmawr1 - 07-04-2023, 12:50 PM
RE: Teacup Ride - by Tiger the Lion - 07-04-2023, 11:10 AM
RE: Teacup Ride - by Wjames - 07-04-2023, 01:41 PM
RE: Teacup Ride - by brynmawr1 - 07-04-2023, 10:41 PM
RE: Teacup Ride - by Knot - 07-04-2023, 11:28 PM
RE: Teacup Ride - by brynmawr1 - 07-05-2023, 04:10 AM
RE: Teacup Ride - by Knot - 07-06-2023, 12:03 AM
RE: Teacup Ride - by busker - 07-05-2023, 04:57 AM
RE: Teacup Ride - by brynmawr1 - 07-05-2023, 11:36 PM
RE: Teacup Ride - by Kynaston Levitt - 07-06-2023, 06:35 AM
RE: Teacup Ride(edit) - by brynmawr1 - 07-15-2023, 03:08 AM
RE: Teacup Ride(edit) - by TranquillityBase - 07-15-2023, 08:39 AM
RE: Teacup Ride(edit 2) - by brynmawr1 - 07-28-2023, 08:03 AM
RE: Teacup Ride(edit 2) - by TranquillityBase - 07-28-2023, 08:32 AM
RE: Teacup Ride(edit 2) - by O. M. Geezersnaps - 07-28-2023, 01:15 PM
RE: Teacup Ride(edit 2) - by brynmawr1 - 07-28-2023, 11:34 PM



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