Draft 4.5: Alcyone Remembers (Dizain)

[brynmawr1]

The green rays caught in eons of sunsets
flared with a nameless ache. The sudden sea
enclosed this shelter of the silhouettes
in pictures, strewn among drywall debris.
Each missing dream was prayed for, fruitlessly,
upon a bed of mildewy decay.                           I suggest a hard stop here and then continue as written
Through morning’s fog, calls echoed every day
down bright halls filled with longing's sand, before
oblivion returned your image, gray
like storm clouds. With my name, you washed ashore.

Draft 1: Alcyone Remembers

Soon after watching thousands of sunsets
for green rays with a nameless ache, the sea
surrounded this shelter for silhouettes 
from pictures strewn among drywall debris.
Lost dreams cost dawns to search for, fruitlessly,
in this bright fog and mildewy decay
of empty bed. Calls echoed every day
down hallways filled with longing's sand, before
oblivion returned your visage, gray
like storm clouds. With my name, you washed ashore.

Hi Velasco,
I like the edits. Especially the first lines.  Reads much better for me.  I made some minor suggestions above.  The only other thought I had was changing to tense of the entire poem to present tense.
Take care,
bryn