Time, thief
#5
(06-28-2023, 07:56 AM)busker Wrote:  Time, thief (with apologies to Homer)

Drown me, eyes,
in the liquid light
of your wine dark seas.  "your" threw me a bit (e.g. referring back to "eyes"); but rereading, I get it
We are born to die
and love between       I think flipping "die" and "love" would improve it.  "We are born to love/and die between"
the two mysteries.
My swan necked lover
had a dimpled smile
on her painted cheek.
Time, beggar thief of
everything, bring her to me.
Hi Busker,

A few notes above.  Overall, enjoyed its simplicity and the allusions and especially ll. 7-11.

TqB
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Messages In This Thread
Time, thief - by busker - 06-28-2023, 07:56 AM
RE: Time, thief - by Kynaston Levitt - 06-29-2023, 06:38 AM
RE: Time, thief - by CRNDLSM - 06-29-2023, 07:23 AM
RE: Time, thief - by Kynaston Levitt - 06-29-2023, 08:12 AM
RE: Time, thief - by TranquillityBase - 06-29-2023, 08:44 AM
RE: Time, thief - by busker - 06-29-2023, 08:54 AM



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