Draft 4.5: Alcyone Remembers (Dizain)

[alonso ramoran]

Alcyone Remembers

The green rays, caught in eons of sunsets,
flared with a nameless ache. The sudden sea
enclosed this shelter of warm silhouettes
whose pictures lie beneath drywall debris.
Each missing dream was prayed for, listlessly,
through bright fog, rank with the mildewed decay
of sheets too large. Calls echoed every day
down hallways filled with dead time's sand, before
oblivion returned your image—gray
like storm clouds. With my name, you washed ashore.




Minor edits:

L3: changed "ruin that warm silhouettes" to "shelter of warm silhouettes"
L4: changed "called home—their pictures in the roof's debris" to "whose pictures lie beneath drywall debris."

Earlier drafts:

Draft 2: Alcyone Remembers



The green rays caught in eons of sunsets



flared with a nameless ache. The sudden sea



enclosed this shelter of the silhouettes



in pictures, strewn among drywall debris.



Each missing dream was prayed for, fruitlessly,



upon a bed of mildewy decay,



through morning’s fog. Calls echoed every day



down bright halls filled with longing's sand, before



oblivion returned your image, gray



like storm clouds. With my name, you washed ashore.





Draft 1: Alcyone Remembers







Soon after watching thousands of sunsets



for green rays with a nameless ache, the sea



surrounded this shelter for silhouettes 



from pictures strewn among drywall debris.



Lost dreams cost dawns to search for, fruitlessly,



in this bright fog and mildewy decay



of empty bed. Calls echoed every day



down hallways filled with longing's sand, before



oblivion returned your visage, gray



like storm clouds. With my name, you washed ashore.