Cicadas no. 2

[TranquillityBase]

Cicadas no. 2

Born inside the ancient flow
of skin-tight summer’s 
ancient scripture


ancient says a lot, sometimes too much                  so I should cut "ancient"?

what's/is there a differnce/ in and inside?       good point



we sing a drill down song,
our invisible longing for light
lost to the mirror of  the sun.

It's a game you're here playing with light and sun and in and out        the game of poetry?

We traverse the strewn net

most nets are strewn     skin-tight, summer, sing (one too many), song, sun, strewn....in love with S's

of trees signaling the breeze
to souls below us who wander
listening as our music

there are a lot of verbs here,                      too many I'm guessing?
I have forgotten what 'adverb' means

traverse the trees 


you could leave out souls, below, who, many things you can leave out
and paint a sensual strong picture without concrete details or abstract adjectives   seems like if I leave all those things out I'm left with what?


pulls them into the orbit of heat.

Thanks Rowens.  I'll see what I can do with it.
TqB