06-18-2023, 06:53 AM
(06-17-2023, 01:08 PM)brynmawr1 Wrote: I found a place where I was lostYeah, this is a nice little poem. It's super 90's, with all the allusions to physics and the beach, etc. But I like 90s stuff, so, it's rad.
in green light on a forest floor, - I'm already there. Great opening.
refracted as the deepest sea. - this line is confusing to me. Firstly, what is being "refracted" from the previous lines? And secondly, "refracted as the sea"? The sea isn't refracted. So, something can't be refracted as it. I wonder what you thought this line meant. And I also wonder what other readers think you meant by this line.
Scattered, naked trunks of trees - excellent.
towered like meaty kelp toward the sky. - genius.
An emerald surface dipped and swayed
by waves of leeward wind. The sun beamed
in slanted rays, a quiet serenade - this is beautiful. It almost made me cry.
through a still and misted air.
Dappled ferns carpet sandy ground
swaying with a verdant tide; drawn
deeper down by each fiddlehead
sun-tipped fractal curl to depths
a sailor might happily drown.
