06-15-2023, 06:30 AM
I always chop out the before and after Message Quotations and get to business.
A Little Prayer
“I’ll wait for Jesus, if he’ll wait for me” (graffiti)
I’m a broken old man
adrift on a sea of night sweats
and misunderstood faces,
Are you or the speak(er) these things? broken, adrift, misunderstood. These adjectives are what's in the way. No need for a question mark on my behalf, whatever that means.
You are possibly a poem of other things. Other descriptive terms; or none.
my body a waterlogged raft
too stubborn to sink decently
and let the deep devour me at last.
The length of this stanza feels like Psychology.
If it’s all the same to you,
my life was an absurd one.
Who knew absurdity
There is play you could play with this Who word.
could become so fragile?
Now it creaks, exudes foul gases,
disgusts the young
who see the pale rider
behind my eyes
Do they see the pale rider? Disgust is a strong word for so little discouragement. Gases and creaks make the nights go boomboom.
and turn away, angels
Angels who turn away are angles
Notice how I used no punctuation there.
who glance towards the damned,
You mean towards the end of life.
sometimes with pity,
sometimes with surprise.
I know there’s a joke
at the end of this empty math.
I just hope I can laugh
Why you laugh at your own thing? In this context here?
when the punchline comes.
A Little Prayer
“I’ll wait for Jesus, if he’ll wait for me” (graffiti)
I’m a broken old man
adrift on a sea of night sweats
and misunderstood faces,
Are you or the speak(er) these things? broken, adrift, misunderstood. These adjectives are what's in the way. No need for a question mark on my behalf, whatever that means.
You are possibly a poem of other things. Other descriptive terms; or none.
my body a waterlogged raft
too stubborn to sink decently
and let the deep devour me at last.
The length of this stanza feels like Psychology.
If it’s all the same to you,
my life was an absurd one.
Who knew absurdity
There is play you could play with this Who word.
could become so fragile?
Now it creaks, exudes foul gases,
disgusts the young
who see the pale rider
behind my eyes
Do they see the pale rider? Disgust is a strong word for so little discouragement. Gases and creaks make the nights go boomboom.
and turn away, angels
Angels who turn away are angles
Notice how I used no punctuation there.
who glance towards the damned,
You mean towards the end of life.
sometimes with pity,
sometimes with surprise.
I know there’s a joke
at the end of this empty math.
I just hope I can laugh
Why you laugh at your own thing? In this context here?
when the punchline comes.