First and Last Days (A Little Prayer, revised, new title)

[Knot]

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Hi Tim,
a puzzling but enjoyable read..


A Little Prayer ................................... It doesn't read like a prayer (even if the ending is a plea.)


I’m a broken old man ........................ don't think you need this line (you have s2 after all.)
adrift on a sea of night sweats
and misunderstood faces,
my body a waterlogged raft
too stubborn to sink decently
and let the deep devour me at last. .... Does this poem need this verse?

If it’s all the same to you, .................. Struggle moving from this line to the next one (but, regardless, this makes for a much better opening line.)
my life was an absurd one.
Who knew absurdity
could become so fragile?
Now it creaks, exudes foul gases, ..... maybe 'noxious' for foul? Better sonics, perhaps?
disgusts the young
who see the pale rider ...................... I think the 'pale rider' (and the rest of this section) is the poem taking a detour. Stick with the bodily decay and leave the rest alone. 'Damned' seems far too histrionic (and nowhere near as interesting as the 'waterlogged raft' image.)
behind my eyes
and turn away, angels
who glance towards the damned,
sometimes with pity,
sometimes with surprise.

I know there’s a joke
at the end of this empty math. ......... don't understand the use of 'math' here.
I just hope I can laugh
when the punchline comes.



Best, Knot


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