Daze of Divinity // End of Daze

[Knot]

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Hi Bunx.

My initial thought is breaking this poem into two parts.
The nice thing about editing, nothing is permanent. Give it a go, see if you like it (but I think you're right, particularly about the changes in tone., so separating out each part is where I'd begin.)

Though my first step will be a solid edit to help make it more clear and concise.
To be fair, I thought it was pretty clear (well, not the relationship between the red and blue sections, but each taken separately.)
Tell the story (worry about how long it takes later.)

Mainly because my experience with mental health that cliche has proven true in my life.
Good enough reason to keep it. There's an effective plainness of language to the piece, and the phrase fits in with that.

I feel the the advice I give proceeding "living witness" requires a leap of faith (almost in the same way catholics take a leap of faith) knowing that what they believe can never be proved in its entirety.
Perhaps that's something to include in the revision?


Best, Knot

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