06-06-2023, 07:34 PM
.
Hi Bryn.
I like both the new additions, but they do feel rather similar (each featuring a 'lonesome' sound.)
Not keen on your new ending. Where do the 'twenty-five years' come from?
The low whistle
of an early train
leaving wakes me .......................... (early gives 'dim light')
In the distance ...............................(maybe something a bit different? Three streets over ?)
a dog's begging ..............................(begging evokes 'cries')
to be let back in.
Searching the chill
my feet settle
each for the other.
It’s cold here
but it shouldn't be
in mid-May.
Best, Knot
.
Hi Bryn.
I like both the new additions, but they do feel rather similar (each featuring a 'lonesome' sound.)
Not keen on your new ending. Where do the 'twenty-five years' come from?
The low whistle
of an early train
leaving wakes me .......................... (early gives 'dim light')
In the distance ...............................(maybe something a bit different? Three streets over ?)
a dog's begging ..............................(begging evokes 'cries')
to be let back in.
Searching the chill
my feet settle
each for the other.
It’s cold here
but it shouldn't be
in mid-May.
Best, Knot
.