untitled
#7
B:

I'm now going to disagree with TB (I hope he doesn't mind): I like the humanizing touch of "his," since it does point to a backstory. IMO it gives the letter more pathos and for me the poem works because you wind up personifying the letter, or making it an avatar for the broken-hearted man

I think I want a hug now!

VP


(06-02-2023, 10:48 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  
(06-02-2023, 10:41 AM)Valerie Please Wrote:  I agree with TB on the posted version being the better. 

God, that poor sad love letter!

(06-01-2023, 01:07 PM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  His love letter lies
on a park bench words bleeding
with every rain drop

alternative version

His love letter lies
on a park bench words bleeding
more with each rain drop
Hi Val,
I've gone round and round about whether the first word should be a pronoun or an article.  Any thoughts?
Thanks,
bryn
Reply


Messages In This Thread
untitled - by brynmawr1 - 06-01-2023, 01:07 PM
RE: Unrequited - by TranquillityBase - 06-02-2023, 08:43 AM
RE: Unrequited - by brynmawr1 - 06-02-2023, 10:32 AM
RE: untitled - by Valerie Please - 06-02-2023, 10:41 AM
RE: untitled - by brynmawr1 - 06-02-2023, 10:48 AM
RE: untitled - by TranquillityBase - 06-02-2023, 10:19 PM
RE: untitled - by Valerie Please - 06-03-2023, 06:23 AM
RE: untitled - by busker - 06-03-2023, 09:55 AM



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