Make and Believe (rev.)

[TranquillityBase]

Make and Believe

Dreams of future past
hunt me down
in the briar patch of sleep


hunt me to sleep's briar patch        Yes


Poetry has oft repeated rules which seem to exist to push you to newerness.
One is ________ of ________.  The something of something.
Said to try and not say things that way.

People take these rules seriously, and miss the forest for the pedantry. 

You can do tricks, though. You can make tones and moods and jokes by wording things certain ways knowing good and well that there are many of a certain kind of reader.



but I’m no Brer Rabbit
just a man at the frayed end
of a knotted string of hopes.

Brer Fox promises death
yet even that signature eludes me,


yet is another trigger word.     thanks for this

Brer Fox promises death
feels stronger without punctuation marks, so yet might be the best choice. 



I guess I’m too clever
for my own good.


Guess I'm too clever   ?





A life of syllables
demands more words
uttered in casual despair.      I'm rather fond of this, but I'll look closer or listen closer and see





So I talk to myself



So

But you could oddify it, like

So I talk myself                          excellent
and that seems enough
to satisfy the eternal storybook.


eternal

Seems a useful place for a thesaurus. 
Though the obvious is often best. 

But choices abound for these winding down lines:

to satisfy the elemental storybook.               really like elemental storybook
Even a mild rustic touch:
to satisfy the antique storybook.

It demands a different ending
every time I look up.

Hey Rowens,

You should critique more often.  This is very helpful stuff. 

TqB