05-21-2023, 12:55 AM
(05-20-2023, 09:55 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Rain ClockHey Tim. Quick suggestion on first read.
Rain cancels the hours.
Wildflowers look up
a scripture of colors among green pages
bound in asphalt, read by the clouds.
Rainfall shifts the day away from its tyranny
of stone pointed minutes
leaving me time to breathe
the psalmody of incarnated seconds.
I had no issue with the repetition of "Rain" in the title and L1. The 3rd instance in L5 with "rainfall" triggered me slightly. It occurred to me that "Showers shift the day away..." had a great ring to it. Not sure what your ear might make of it.