Getting ready for the show

Getting ready for the show

brynmawr1 Offline

Senior Member, Apprentice Refractor

Posts: 400
Threads: 58
Joined: May 2022

05-17-2023, 10:01 AM

(05-17-2023, 09:01 AM)busker Wrote:
(05-11-2023, 12:00 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote: Peonies explode
in slow-motion on green stems-
fireworks bursting white.

Peonies rising
upon green stems, slow-motion
fireworks bursting white.

I think the ‘on green stems’ lengthens L2, taking away the punch from L3

yes, that was my concern, seemed too wordy for a haiku.

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Messages In This Thread

Getting ready for the show - by brynmawr1 - 05-11-2023, 12:00 AM

RE: Getting ready for the show - by TranquillityBase - 05-11-2023, 01:10 AM

RE: Getting ready for the show - by brynmawr1 - 05-11-2023, 02:14 AM

RE: Getting ready for the show - by TranquillityBase - 05-11-2023, 02:35 AM

RE: Getting ready for the show - by Mark A Becker - 05-17-2023, 04:33 AM

RE: Getting ready for the show - by brynmawr1 - 05-17-2023, 06:50 AM

RE: Getting ready for the show - by busker - 05-17-2023, 09:01 AM

RE: Getting ready for the show - by brynmawr1 - 05-17-2023, 10:01 AM

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