Did I say sorry?(edit)
#5
(05-11-2023, 01:18 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  
(05-08-2023, 07:42 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  It was an accident,
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts,
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.

But here it is, now           why the comma?   That's how I read it in my head.  I probably could cut it since I added the 'now'
a mess all over
the page. Small words
without meaning
unable to pierce
or even bruise.
If only some mercy
found in its execution         you might could lose this line    at risk of being 'explainy' I am trying to play off the double meanings between 'mercy' and 'execution. I guess it's not working?

could have saved you
from the collateral
damage of wondering
what it might have been.
I like this twist ending much better.  It doesn't express the same harsh tone that led me to assume the answer to the title question is "I'm not sorry".  Was that the answer you had in mind?
Thanks for the follow up.  I was trying to suggest I was sorry for wasting people's time for having read the poem.  A silly idea I came up with while mowing the lawn.  Not sure the title works as well with the changes.  Something else to think about!
bryn
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Messages In This Thread
Did I say sorry?(edit) - by brynmawr1 - 05-08-2023, 07:42 AM
RE: Did I say sorry? - by TranquillityBase - 05-08-2023, 10:12 PM
RE: Did I say sorry? - by brynmawr1 - 05-09-2023, 03:25 AM
RE: Did I say sorry?(edit) - by TranquillityBase - 05-11-2023, 01:18 AM
RE: Did I say sorry?(edit) - by brynmawr1 - 05-11-2023, 02:08 AM
RE: Did I say sorry?(edit) - by TranquillityBase - 05-11-2023, 02:38 AM
RE: Did I say sorry?(edit) - by Bunx - 05-14-2023, 03:43 AM



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