05-09-2023, 03:25 AM 
	
	
	(05-08-2023, 10:12 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote:Hey TqB,(05-08-2023, 07:42 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote: It was an accident,I enjoyed this but I think the ending is too pat for such a poem. I especially like the way the title ansers inself in the tone of the poem.
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.
But here it is,
a mess all over
the page. Not even
some mercy found
in its execution.
And now the collateral
damage of having paid
the price; two minutes Not crazy about these last three lines; maybe you could express it in some way besides quantity? The trope of "wanting those (mintes/hours/seconds) back" is a little overused.
thirty seconds of your life.
No refunds. Seems redundant....
TqB
Thanks for your input. I'll have to ruminate on the ending a bit give it more of a twist.
Take care,
bryn

 

 
