Did I say sorry?(edit)
#2
(05-08-2023, 07:42 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  It was an accident,
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.

But here it is,
a mess all over
the page. Not even
some mercy found
in its execution.

And now the collateral
damage of having paid
the price; two minutes            Not crazy about these last three lines; maybe you could express it in some way besides quantity?  The trope of "wanting those (mintes/hours/seconds) back" is a little overused.
thirty seconds of your life.
No refunds.  Seems redundant....
I enjoyed this but I think the ending is too pat for such a poem.  I especially like the way the title ansers inself in the tone of the poem.

TqB
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Messages In This Thread
Did I say sorry?(edit) - by brynmawr1 - 05-08-2023, 07:42 AM
RE: Did I say sorry? - by TranquillityBase - 05-08-2023, 10:12 PM
RE: Did I say sorry? - by brynmawr1 - 05-09-2023, 03:25 AM
RE: Did I say sorry?(edit) - by TranquillityBase - 05-11-2023, 01:18 AM
RE: Did I say sorry?(edit) - by brynmawr1 - 05-11-2023, 02:08 AM
RE: Did I say sorry?(edit) - by TranquillityBase - 05-11-2023, 02:38 AM
RE: Did I say sorry?(edit) - by Bunx - 05-14-2023, 03:43 AM



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