03-24-2023, 07:06 AM
Hello again Tim-
One small observation, an addition to make this one perfect, at least in my eyes. You use punctuation throughout, except in one stanza. Being consistent is important, even though it's a very minor change/addition:
A memento of my son’s painstaking labor a semi-colon or em dash after 'labor' seems necessary to moderate the pacing
breaking the mirror, selecting the chips,
affixing them, patient and compelled.
This is a sublime piece of work. I know it had to be difficult to write. It is every bit a work of art, and a fitting homage to your son. I think that he would be proud of you. I know that I am.
Mark
One small observation, an addition to make this one perfect, at least in my eyes. You use punctuation throughout, except in one stanza. Being consistent is important, even though it's a very minor change/addition:
A memento of my son’s painstaking labor a semi-colon or em dash after 'labor' seems necessary to moderate the pacing
breaking the mirror, selecting the chips,
affixing them, patient and compelled.
This is a sublime piece of work. I know it had to be difficult to write. It is every bit a work of art, and a fitting homage to your son. I think that he would be proud of you. I know that I am.
Mark