03-18-2023, 02:49 AM
Hello again, Steve,
Going for ‘a big idea’ would very likely ruin this lovely little poem. I do not want to be prompted toward a grand metaphor. I very much appreciate this poem for its simplicity. Please don’t mess it up. It’s like a series of still paintings that I can picture. I felt like I was along on the walk, and that is all this poem needs to do for me.
The line about what he has to offer should just be replaced with a line that fits better.
Write another one to fulfill that metaphorical urge, but don’t obscure this one with metaphorical paint.
That said, it is your poem…
Going for ‘a big idea’ would very likely ruin this lovely little poem. I do not want to be prompted toward a grand metaphor. I very much appreciate this poem for its simplicity. Please don’t mess it up. It’s like a series of still paintings that I can picture. I felt like I was along on the walk, and that is all this poem needs to do for me.
The line about what he has to offer should just be replaced with a line that fits better.
Write another one to fulfill that metaphorical urge, but don’t obscure this one with metaphorical paint.
That said, it is your poem…