Silent Response ( was Senecio's High Noon Saturday)

[brynmawr1]

[

Dang Tim- it's like torture by a thousand cuts (edits), ain't it? How 'bout this? :



Silent Response



This morning

the dog park topic

was Death:

wives lost, decomposed bodies, cancer.

I should have been more

empathetic: I know the loss,

but not the urge

to desecrate that void

with words to strangers.



Illumination at noon: the sun

tossing Death

back to the shadows,

revealing the cardinal

I listen to now.

Yep, and I'm just about bled out.  Thinking of tossing the cardinal and leaving it at this:


This morning
the dog park topic 
was Death:
wives lost, decomposed bodies, cancer.

I know the loss, 
but not the urge
to desecrate that void 
with words to strangers.

---

The original was original. It was brilliant. The cardinal’s singing was a fit ending.
The reference to Louise gave it immediacy.

It was perfect in my book.

Thank you.  Suffering a little whiplash here, but that's what makes the forum....a forum.  Castalia ain't got nothing on Pig Pen.

Hi TqB,
Coming in late to muddy the waters.  I find the image of the cardinal an important part of the narrative as it brings the narrator from musings about death back to the present and its simple beauty provides refuge from life's shit.  A subtle but powerful message about how finding simple pleasures in our daily lives gets us through. A single well worded stand alone line or two would suffice.
My two cents.