Silent Response ( was Senecio's High Noon Saturday)

[Mark A Becker]

Hi Tim-
cool beans, simple story, and relatable

Senecio’s High Noon Saturday an on-going story, cool

Before second childhood
comes second puberty,  this is telling without showing, and a confusing statement, at that.

I grow dirty,  this is where you should start
let my beard go native,
find most people tiresome
or terrifying.

Today, the dog park topic
was death. good line break to this line, which stands alone
Jeez Louise, I know enough of death. the dog park offers a simple, yet realistic sense of place. The 'jeez Louise' cliche is appropriate in this instance.

Now I know more,
but it’s no solution, just to talk,
talk is static.  White noise. more telling!  'just to hear' would make it personal: something like 'just to hear this talk, like white noise' . Ya gotta make it personal to you, but of course, in your own words.

Death demands your absolute attention no, no, no! yet more telling. 'your' being the culprit. Yes, 'your' can mean 'mine', but why not 'my'?
like the cardinal I’m listening to now. perfect ending

The last line should by preceded by a line regarding life. A simple act in life that is the focus of attention, 'like the cardinal...' 

This one only needs a few tweeks in order to work most effectively.  The 'telling' parts almost ruin it (for me).The whole poem is predicated on the last line: the song (life) of a cardinal, an action in real life, can help balance out thoughts of death, or hearing talk of death. 

I want to like this one more, 
Mark