03-09-2023, 11:23 AM
(03-09-2023, 04:50 AM)Semicircle Wrote: Hey youHey SC,
lean in close
hear my secret
This crime
you and I
we're complicit
What I've done
I don't know
you will listen
This crime
you and I
we're complicit
Posted in misc so I'll give only general comment. I like the tension developing in the first two stanzas but S3 L2 deflates it with too much uncertainty without coming to some sort of emotional conclusion. If S3 offered more of a climax or intrigue it would work better for me.
Thanks for sharing,
Bryn