String lights
#6
(02-09-2023, 06:15 AM)Semicircle Wrote:  String lights

Look hard enough and see
what you thought were stars
are really screens
dangling from cords that
unravel with the sky.

and now you're aware
a new star shines.
I like what you're saying here and how you're saying it.  I'm a bit unsure how you are using "screens"....lot of different meanings, some of which clash with your title.

Also, the last line loses some of its punch since you've already used "stars" as an image at the beginning.

TqB
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Messages In This Thread
String lights - by Semicircle - 02-09-2023, 06:15 AM
RE: String lights - by Mark A Becker - 02-09-2023, 06:47 AM
RE: String lights - by Semicircle - 02-09-2023, 04:20 PM
RE: String lights - by Poetry In Motion - 03-03-2023, 01:50 PM
RE: String lights - by Semicircle - 03-08-2023, 07:09 AM
RE: String lights - by TranquillityBase - 03-08-2023, 08:23 AM



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