Quiet as a Mouse(new title)

[Semicircle]

He came
       not with a knock                I'm not sure if this play on words is worthy of keeping. You could do without it.
but a seep
       under sill and jam.
            A draft, a hunger
a winter’s night chill.
 
A quiet, a creep
            a mere mouse nibbling             Get rid of mere, creep works much better.
through your house.
 
Only heard                              You could work in inaudible here.
            a feint gnawing
a tunneling, a chomping                a grinding? a clawing? 
            pantry to cupboard.
 
We didn’t know
            until dust,
meager crumbs
             and brittle bones.          Favorite stanza. Good stuff.
 
Only your laugh remained
             caught in his throat.      Not sure about this last line

You should cut down on your use of the word only. I think it is a cheap substitute.

An effective piece, the title seems too generic for it.