02-27-2023, 05:00 AM
For me to view something as 'unsettling' it needs to be down to the bone, meaning to get all the extraneous stuff out of the way so as not to dilute.
In this vein, I would edit out ALL phrases and/or words such as "I am afraid" or "unsatisfied" b/c they are telling me what I should be feeling. There are others (many) and you say this is raw so I will refrain from too much 'rewriting'....it's just how I feel. Not as a writer, but as a reader.
The topic itself doesn't bother me, but for it to work to try and unsettle me, the subtleness should descend like a light mist toward that realization.
In this vein, I would edit out ALL phrases and/or words such as "I am afraid" or "unsatisfied" b/c they are telling me what I should be feeling. There are others (many) and you say this is raw so I will refrain from too much 'rewriting'....it's just how I feel. Not as a writer, but as a reader.
The topic itself doesn't bother me, but for it to work to try and unsettle me, the subtleness should descend like a light mist toward that realization.