02-16-2023, 12:08 AM
Hey Notch-
No real nits, just a few comments for the MISC area:
The Moon holds faithful to the coast love the image here, and the enjambment
the tide, maybe 'and tide' ??? Interesting though that it didn't trip me up until I re-read it. Maybe it's the enjambment that makes it work (without a comma after 'coast' or an 'and' before tide).
the most clear-eyed pilots too often run
their ships aground. again, the enjambment is spot on
... wish not the slightest
strand of hair on Rosaline's neck
to change yet again, the enjambment working really well
I honestly do not know enough about the character references, but I most certainly do appreciate how well crafted this piece is.
Thanks,
Mark
No real nits, just a few comments for the MISC area:
The Moon holds faithful to the coast love the image here, and the enjambment
the tide, maybe 'and tide' ??? Interesting though that it didn't trip me up until I re-read it. Maybe it's the enjambment that makes it work (without a comma after 'coast' or an 'and' before tide).
the most clear-eyed pilots too often run
their ships aground. again, the enjambment is spot on
... wish not the slightest
strand of hair on Rosaline's neck
to change yet again, the enjambment working really well
I honestly do not know enough about the character references, but I most certainly do appreciate how well crafted this piece is.
Thanks,
Mark